I still work because I am 58. That I went into flight mode and tried to protect myself from anymore pain, from the hurt. So Ive decided to join her. I thank the Lord for giving me life but living is one of the most difficult things Ive ever had to do. Many people have said to me (and they still do), you have your kids and she is in them I know that I will remain his widow, no other man will ever be considered. I lost my husband of 57 years two years ago and cant adjust. We are still here because our mission here on earth is not complete. Thank you all who have shared their stories here. I just so miss him by my side and our endless hours of talks. We had 19 beautiful years together and 3 children the youngest being 10. Someone once said you never get over it I take one step then the next then the next. Your skin loses its moisture and its elasticity, so it shrivels up a bit. So I stay home crying and dont know where my life is going. Im very tired of it all. Glenna had a massive stroke right after I cry everyday. Calculate the difference between two dates. Most of the time things are ok but every now and then Ill have a day thats just a throwback to the original date. I started CPR and called 911 I thought they never get there, but I think now I knew he was gone, I was begging him not to leave me. I went back to work and I found some new hobbies and established my new normal. Initially, I felt shocked. Synonyms for PASSED AWAY: fallen, gone, deceased, declining, departed, defunct, lifeless, deteriorating; Antonyms of PASSED AWAY: live, alive, living, existing . I keep trying to get back into a life but I cry often. Others think you are strong and doing fine. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. When the season ends, I believe that the Lord will reveal the heart of another companion to you. He came home after his wife treated him terrible and would not look after him. And took over my wifes life I came home valentines night from work found my wife leaning against the wall on the floor. I thought or believed that the following year it would have been easier, but I was wrong. Hope for the future feels like nothing more than pretty words for fairy tales. I know that you have been observing me from Heaven for many years. Today would've been her 3rd Birthday : r/Petloss The 2nd year was worse. But the terrifying thing about grief is how easy it can be to function in your day-to-day life while it quietly eats away at you. He did his nightly walked, went to the store and picked up milk and bread which he always does, before he left I asked him if I could come but he said no then he gave each of us a kissed on the forehead and said hell be right back, he then told me to get the kids in bed as there was school the next day. I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. There is no right or wrong, but while I have always been decisive, I now find myself unsure. I left the hospital without my child and a shirt with all her blood on it. It presents itself in a million little ways throughout the day and night. Ill say my farewell now to you all . But there was a need to accept at a deeper level, and it was very very hard. I saw a counsellor after that which helped- I was numb after that. I feel guilty that it doesnt; as if I am hanging on to the grief. Mike was my power house. Ive grown in ways I did not know I needed to. You never forget, you just learn how to deal with the pain and heartache. but it ends in a big cry fest. This article is the best Ive read ever on this subject! This is quite normal as animals have qualities our fellow humans do not seem to indicate.Please refer to this link: https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton roads/. I am functioning okaytaking care of my responsibilities. I miss my best friend so much and really feel I cant talk with anyone about what I feel going into this 2nd year. But I miss my husband so much- its so hard ach and every day to continue on. Just unquestioning everything and analysing everything. I dont think I can love again. Or 50 feet tall. He was also my husband`s best friend but he seems to be coping better than I. I do not like to talk about my grief very much to other members of the family as I feel they will think I should be moving forward. My family would like to bury his remains and I feel angry again . She was my best friend, soul mate my everything. Its the hardest thing to go through. I think it better I stay home the rest of the week. I lost my husband of 42 year suddenly 15 months ago. Mike agreed to go on another one of my adventures. At the end of the dream he touched my shoulder and said he was ok with what I was now doing (I wont go into details about that), but, to be cautious of how I was spending my money. So, I knew he was not mad at me only concerned that I take care of myself and to make wise monetary decisions. All I can say is my best to you and sadly we are not alone in our thoughts. I have her ashes in the kitchen, where she loved to be. We were married for 25 years, and I was just 56 when he died. Sadly you and I are far from alone. What to say to a friend who lost their mom or dad - Vox And every day I think about her. He was my other half and I know this. My name is Dustin. His sister, my Mum died when I was 13 & lived in Ireland (he lived in the UK), our life turned inside out, no real help, Father ignored us, out looking for another & drinking heavily. It's been 9 months since my sweet Louisa passed away. The second Christmas. There are a number of things you can do to help a grieving cat to overcome the loss. Peace and acceptance will come. I can say there are days that are a bit better than others. But now I wish I could just turn back time to be a child and hug my mom again. We were married 23 years. Follow griever. I am sitting here sobbing ..reading these missives! When a parent dies, guilt can become a burden because of past arguments you now regret or maybe because you think you didn't do enough to help them. Jean Marie Feils, 82, of Plainview, passed away February 24, 2023 at St. Mary's Hospital in Rochester, MN. Thank you for listening. Its been two years and two months since my beautiful wife passed. My grief totally took over my life. Im more insular now and dad wouldnt want that I know but Ive slways been a bit one bitten twice shy. Im so sorry for your losses. Ive always suffered from anxiety, though have been mentally strong & lived through bringing up a disabled child, without a lot of support. Also her name was Holly and now with Christmas coming. Peace be with you all. "How are you doing?". But you learn that youll survive them. Amor Eterno I loved her so very much and nothing in life has hurt as bad as losing her and the feelings of guilt and believing I murdered her no matter what anyone says. They're what's come to be known as long-haulers in a pandemic that's killing about 2,500 Americans a day as case numbers soar from coast to coast. Life has lost its luster. God has given me strength to carry on. Hi I lost my husband 15 months ago and Im so lost and empty inside I keep thinking maybe hes not really dead and is just taking time out on his way home from work he had a cardiac arrest we have 5 kids 3 older and two under 12 we were together for 25 years he was also my best friend we went through so much together I have a mental illness and from the good and bad times he was the I had a court case 11 months after he died he never got to see the outcome and after been together for so long 3 years ago with him by my side I decided to do it I wish he could have been there free dealing with things and been my my side I feel so guilty that at the time he needed me most I wasnt there for him also he was never sick I miss him so so much my heart and my body physically hurt . I still have to live. Sounds like me. Unfortunately I dont have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that Im fine as I wear that face which says Im getting on with things ok. It has given me some techniques to address when a wave hits to create some space to be able to take a breath. Hes doing it for a reason to help us. With over 18 stays in the hospital and 29 procedures to keep her liver going. David Bowie dies of cancer aged 69 - BBC News - BBC - Homepage She never gave up and her hope was as strong as ever. Stay strong, watch the sunrise and the rainbows after the rain. I dont know whats gonna happen. 17 years, but only suffered the last 2 years as life drained away from him. Very impressive. Working and struggling just to make the next meal. Health officials have previously recommended that most people receive a booster shot of COVID-19 vaccine more than eight months after completing their original vaccine regimen. She was my best and only friend. When you loose a spouse the sad fact is nobody else on the planet has lost them like you have. If you're a painter, sculptor, or woodworker, create something each year. 2019 has been a year of firsts without them and Im not ready for Christmas this year or the 1st anniversary of my sisters death. They had a great loss as well My son was larger than life and is missed by everyone who ever crossed paths with him. My family is great but they are grieving also. For me it was totally useless and a waste of time! I feel guilty for not knowing he has passed for 2 days while I was away at college and Id do anything to see him again. She did great for months until something unexpected killed her: Liver failure due to tumors. A blessing one night though. I have found that not everyone can understand and thats ok. Shopping and movies are the only things that can take me away from an episode of grief. In 2016 diagnosed stage 4 cancer in July Dr said aggressive cancer and he wont see Christmas, I couldnt breathe or talk I felt numb. When I left there somethnig came over me and I knew what happened there was WAY bigger than anything I could have imagined. Read as much as you can and talk an listen as much as you can and find the way through this. A year without you is almost too much to bear.". I still cry over losing him, his voice, his jokes, his love. It all came back like it was the first few days after he passed. My husband died after a failed kidney liver transplant in October. James, thats so weird what you said about feathersMy husband, a brilliant artist, died very suddenly last February a ruptured aorta just like his Dad and immediately in the garden wherever I was, were tiny, white feathers right near me. I am do sorry, please know you are not alone! I dont feel like I will get better, I feel like I will get worse. :-(. Not forgetting, blending them together. There are no rules about how you . but just lately especially coming up to xmas memories are coming too me all the time. And tonight I'll fall asleep with you in my heart. Maybe someone else's grief doesn't affect you in the same way or much at all. to be strong for them, but some days I lost my father some years ago and that took a while to resolve, so I am praying that the process of grief will become eased soon. A statement was issued on his social media accounts, saying he "died peacefully . real visitors with unique IPs. The other day, I saw the spitting image of my ex on the platform of the F train. But mostly not going to my mums everyday. I found an app called headspace that has a grief course of 3 sections of 10 days each 30 days of mindfulness/ meditation sessions. Email him on: lordzakuza7 @ gmail. it feels like there is no end. Some guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. i could be just reading a magazine and something pops up she used to like. One thing is I have to learn to live with is the new normal. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. Grief is Grief. I am currently in my second week of the 13 week course and am finding it to be very beneficial. This week marks five years since my mom passed away. 32+ Remembrance Messages For A Death Anniversary | Ever Loved unexpected way. Look at the. I want to thank everyone that has posted above, it makes you realize that it isnt just you and the people that says you have to move on, find a purpose just flat out dont understand. He was truly my best friend. I lost my wife 14 months ago, we I am very bitter Had a letter from Hospital admitting neglect but I havnt got my Husband the love of my life, I am struggling to get on with my life but its so hard as it is for everyone on this forum, We no longer live we exist, Pam xx. I lived off cake, pie, candy & other sweets. Now in year two Im dealing with unresolved grief for my daughter and the emotions I pushed so far down are now bubbling to the surface. I dated soon after her death as someone that i would not have pursued asked me out. Emma, nobody can know what it feels like until they go through it themselves. Though true, it doesnt help. I still love them all for the years we spent together and for what they meant to my wife. foward with the huge hole in my I was with him everyday and night for a month during transplant and then nine month later he went in with the infection and I stayed with him five days and nights. It is now over a year, I have dear friends, do many things like tennis and bridge, but cooking, eating and sleeping alone is torture. In my mind, it feels like if I had that one more, then I would be satisfied. My dad also died suddenly Oct 21 2019 He was in good health and cancer free . I know a lot of you, whether you met her or not, loved Beemo very much and so I wanted to share the video with you . This thread started an hour after and on the day my wife Shellie passed. I lost my husband Rick 10/2018. I cant believe Ill never see her again or discuss personal issues, deep and meaningful comvos or lighthearted banterJust get through the day..It has helped reading your experiences. Dear Kim; I know exactly how you feel, and what youre going through I lost my husband almost 5 years ago, the anniversary of his passing is coming up next week :,( as time passes by it has not become easier for me, I still have terrible meltdowns, and I too hide my pain from my grown-up children, friends, family and co-workers, I dont want them to worry about me or feel sorry for me. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). Ill NEVER see him again. i pray for all my friends that are suffering to die soon they are lucky to tell loved ones so long. Oh Jennifer I read your words and its like me talking, I feel with you. My husband listens and understands and yet I continue to be sad. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. Oh Casey, I feel just like you. I had cranky moments like everyone but now Im on a roller coaster I cant get off. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. Her kindness, caring, compassion, patience and understanding are all qualities shared by my wife. Its bittersweet reading all the comments thinking Im only on my 2nd month and some took forever to move on. I am grateful to read all of these posts because I dont think Im over my grief, yet I have always heard that at one-year I would feel better and grieving will be over. Hi Heather I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve (nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified). That only means your human and your heart needs to hug and kiss another , to connect. The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out. Four month After losing him, I lost my job. I am afraid that if I dont learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. An Excell ant article..really on the mark. I feel so cheated. He was my rock. I miss him so much. Cry daily cannot stop crying. I was numb. Mom now 80 and I looked after him. This is where Grief Coaching can help. So hard having had to move. That was a good process because it helped me to HOPE that my grief would abate. Is this intense feeling bc 1 year, Yes I can relate I lost my dear husband to cancer the same he thought he was a very heath man I was out of town when he just went in for his regular yearly dr apt and they wanted to do more test and he was home along when they told him that he had stage 4 cancer and passed away 2 months later after 52 hours a week of camo and radiation everyday i still really dont understand how it could be just still trying to understand it hold thing most days I still think Im dreaming so I just pray every night and all in the day please god help me threw this and the holidays I hate so I pray that god help me find joy in them again cause right now there is nothing just want them to come and go away fast. Its too hard to live without them. I sat with her for a week in palliative care, with my dad. Any advise? I still cry most days and miss him more than words can say. He has been gone for 15 months. She has seen so much suffering. I wish all of the posters, that god gives you the strength to be happy, smile, to know that your not really alone. Im numb with grief I cant get to church or the cemetery Im constantly in tears and my anxiety is through the roof. He was the most funny outgoing person in my life and I miss everything about him. The first year was like being shipwrecked and all I could do was hang on to the wreckage and try to stay afloat as the storm raged around me. Everyone deals with it in their own way. So many things bring tears and despaireven just going to the garage to get a tool reminds me of the dreams connected to those tools. Her suffering in the end made things even worse. So I hope and pray you find comfort and some measurable amount of peace. Speaking t I someone, helps because death can be trmatic, Its 3.43am another sleepless night and reading through everyones stories trying to grasp some sense of belonging knowing others understand my pain. The first year was filled with a kind of silliness, overall weirdnessi guess from shock..i was busy with the estate stuff and running around getting the legal things done i had to do. To say I miss him, cant never give me the Take Care and Thank You, Your email address will not be published. Not my own plan. I swim a lot and do Yoga and Mindfullness. Memories or to go into a coffee shop. I cant even remember the first few months. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. Rest in peace dad." "Our love for you is as strong as ever, Dad. I try to stay busy but most of the time its just around our house. My then 7 year old daughter found him first. Maybe I am just waking up to the reality that suffering is unavoidable and that pretending away death does a disservice to everyone including myself as it makes me bitter and more resentful. How disappointed are we when a long planned vacation-of-a-lifetime turns out to be not all what we would have hoped? Its 2 years since I lost my husband n best friend. Reasons why some tax refunds filed electronically take longer than 21 It would be rather strange if you did and I think that is so true. amen to all. I look back and I see I am better, but not altogether well. Never would I have thought that things were going to happen the way they did. And now Im beginning year 2 without him but it doesnt feel any less of a loss. If anyone can help me with this . January 24, 2020, I came home from work and my husband (one of the best guys to ever walk the face of the earth) had passed away and we had been married for 47 years. I bring a chair to sit and just stare at the ground. Similar to your situation I bottle all my emotions inside of me, deep deep down because I didnt know how to cope with his loss. No matter what and how I try nothing really matters. Its been 16 months since my husband of 51 years died. With what I took, it should have been my time. Its not temporary but you will learn to live with it.You have to.I lost my wife of 33 years due to a terrible firearms accident.My uncle is 92 years old and we are very close.His time is limited.I know how you feel! Best to you. Icantgo through another holiday without my family. The first 2 years every single memory of every single moment of happiness we had were the worst part. I move from day to day and find some confidence that I have made it this far (although I dont really care) and other people have too. When we are adjusting to oneness each day is a learning experience. I hope you have found your way Yes Tania. In the months that followed my mom's death, I got my dream job writing about celebrity and pop culture at VH1, my boyfriend became my fianc, and I smiled through bridal showers and bachelorette parties for dear . Two months have passed. The first year was the hardest woke up crying and fell asleep crying. It NEVER stops hurting. People are cruel regarding mourning time. Life is fleeting, indeed. It can be so isolating. When I was 14/15 I met my bf we were friends good friends. I can say, there is hope and it is centered around one step at a time. He was my closest friend and confidant. He was watching Sport Center I told him I was taking a quick shower and then Id join him. Also I was told by the doctor to take time off my work to look after my husband. Everyone seems to think that was long enough. I dont know whether to clarify dads gf is wrong or just to hold her. I know how you feel. Both of my parents died on Valentines Day only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. Dad in January so I have no family. And I felt thankful that they went together and that they had each other. I am in the second year, 20 months ago I lost my husband,my sole mate after 31years&8 months of doing everything together,always by each others side,this is the hardest thing I have ever had to face! We had been married 49 years, and I still have no idea how to live without him. I was 18 and 18yrs when I meet him he was 21. You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved. I wish everyday i was dead .I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died.he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. They come 10 seconds apart and dont even give you time to catch your breath. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. I cant function with this . Grief is a roller coaster ride that when you get off your left feeling dizzy and everything is. As I approach the year anniversary and holiday season, I feel that the grief is worse then ever. First created in 1917 when the U.S. was entering World War I, the debt ceiling has been raised by Congress (and occasionally the president, when authorized to do so by Congress) dozens of times since then. I feel guilty a lot because how I acted towards her through it, it just seemed like no end in site. She passed after 8 months. He was my first love my only love. Im comforted to know that others feel the same. I do experience love and happiness. I found pieces of the car the grill, a side mirror, the license plate, etc. My husband passed away a year ago unexpectedly. My father had COPD/Hypertension/High Blood Pressure and went into cardiac arrest at the Orlando Airport in Florida while waiting outside to pick me up with my mother. Just what can I do? This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. There is a pretty well-accepted theory on grieving that the first year is the hardest. Its been two and a half years following the loss of my husband. The first year the crying was more intense now its deeper in a way. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. Trying to figure out how Ill ever move on and know I have to. On the anniversary of his funeral, I lost it. I dont mean Im suicidal, but I feel like a rudderless ship being blown aimlessly about on an endless ocean. He was my first father daughter dance, he was in the room when I was born, I lived with him and my mom for the first four years of my life. And my eyes leak out of the blue.I walk past a mirror and dont recognise who I have become. Mom was it. I believe the first year I was numb. Im not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. Good luck! As hard as it still is I know I will see them again someday. How to Recover and Find Strength after Losing a Parent - Tiny Buddha How could you leave me alone? Greg, Your note is now so, long ago place here. My most often comment was I dont know how to do this. I hope your finding your way grief is personal and the hardest life lesson Ive had to learn I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry. It was a privilege to have caught a cracking beautiful ladys eye. Actually there have been windows of time, weeks at a time when I havent cried daily but I recently left the country to live in my native UK so I imagine that brought up a lot, hence the perceived regression. Now this week is his anniversary and Im a real crazy mess. It was an honor to be there for her and care for her, but those memories of the last six months are so strong.