I fail to see the point of continuing further. I have difficulty ejaculating and often, cannot get erections with her. I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. 2. Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. I am 62 and much healthier than my wife. In my case our problems are ever deeper in that ours is a Love /Hate relationship. **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. I spent 36 years with a man who I was never good enough for and now in a relationship with a man who loves me and is so kind. There is one other medical condition relating to touch called allodynia. In long-term relationships, sex can be the fastest route for . I rest my case. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. Good luck. Most women are unforgiving and never say theyre sorry for the crap they pull, and stop providing or enjoying sex on that basis. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. Id be interested to find out your age. Same here except I m 75 he is 80. At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. At least your wife gives you a hand job AND wants you to Cum on her tits! But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. The two C words! 16 years being married. There are many reasons for vaginal pain, if indeed thats what shes experiencing, and getting the right medical help is essential. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? 2. I still love my husband because our relationship doesnt revolve around sex and we can show each other love and affection in many other ways. The dog loves her. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). I was looking forward to my sexual freedom and massive quantities of sex and orgasms. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. Medication also he ls good to me but his hobby ls everything to him he jokes around with me we are like room Women provide fertility, nurturing, and resourcefulness. I realized after marriage that I married her for the wrong reason, more of a rebound to fill something torn from me so abruptly, the love for my previous family(wife and children). If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. 2. Nothing physical. you get it. Why is a mans focus so connected to his ability to use a womans body to empty the contents of his balls? I mean how do you do that if your married? They may be finding fulfilment on the computer/phone with others (just a guess) and so thats a big problem right there. I would love to be greeted with a smile, a cuddle a thoughtful touch but nothing. I could care less what he says or does. Most dont ever have this figured out. I am 62 and my husband is 63. By the way, I love, desire, and adore my husband, but I recognize I will never have my needs met after almost 50 years. I understand completely!!!! Then it was just plain no, Im not sexually turned in. Susan I think many men would find your comments upsetting. That you are incapable or unwilling to engage in a relationship with a woman as an equal says a lot more about you than it does about marriage. 4. 3. That leads to I dont like you. Cancer is pretty much a death sentence. If your wife avoids intimacy and this lack of intimacy is beginning to take a toll on your marital bliss, it is time to have an honest conversation with your spouse. I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? Yes, he may have more energy then she does because he did nothing all day but insulted her and her lack of sex. I want that back in my life as well! Think before you do what you do. Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. My husband never had my love of sex. with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. She is a poor communicator and no matter how much I ask she gives me the silent treatment and thinks its OK. // Replace PAGE_URL with your page's canonical URL variable Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. The guy is a magnet! Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. There is only so much I can fantasize masturbate and flirt. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. Its not an option. First woman with the same situation!! But my wife was not. Bonnie, thank you for commenting. Key points. Life is way too short! Ever again. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). Or when it doesnt really get hard, does the throbbing stop also in men? If a couple's sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn't tend to feel good for the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely. Hormonal therapy can give you cancer, stroke. From work deadlines to zoom meetings to bosses to deal with, teams to manage, kids to raise, meals to cook, chores to do, errands to run and the billion other things your wife has to handle, she may just be too exhausted to even think about sex. I almost wish I were. Perhaps, some counseling might even help. Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. Men must risk themselves, including sacrificing their own lives if necessary, to protect the women and children in their care. For fucks sake man. Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. Focusing on her pleasure will make her banish any thought that my wife never wants to have sex.. Gopa explains how such mental health issues can affect your physical intimacy. My wife is 61 and Im 57. As well as almost no feeling there as well. Now whats so hard about that. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. Rich B, I am 64 and my wife has withheld sex with me for the the last 5 years. Another reason my wife never initiates physical contact may be due to hormonal changes. If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. You can usually put these triggering events into two main categories. If your wife doesnt feel confident about her physical appearance, she may have inadvertently shut down your sex life. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning, supportive of a partner struggling with mental health, it's OK to not want sex with your partner, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25855662/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5994393/. Id like to hear how you feel. Ive tried all the normal things too. 3. Dianne. Initially, it probably was mostly about the sex. This is not rocket science, bro. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. Most woman will get turned off by men putting us down and there is no way we will reward you by having sex with you and if you wait until the next day to be s jerk after having sex with make less likely for you to get I. I too have never cheated. I am very attracted sexually to my wife and it hurts my ego that she isnt at all. He is impotent due to hydrocele and he plans to have surgery until hes 65. Maybe you've started treating your wife differently, toomore likely a mom figure even to you, and less like a wife and lover and sexual being. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain). We cant really talk about it because the very subject causes her great depression because she feels like its all her fault and that she is failure as a lover. There are many reasons. Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with. But the giving up on relationship and each other is what happens. */ He is suffering from a mental health issue. Sometimes a married woman isn't interested in having sex with her spouse because she's simply not in the mood right now. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. We havent had sex in 6 months and she has rejected my advances numerous times. When I say intimacy, I do not mean just intercourse. My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. Id say he has some other issues. For many men, wooing and life after wooing are two vastly different realities. . She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. Ive tried suggesting a date, but its hard to find something she wants to do or doesnt cost too much. You are absolutely right, foreplay is an ongoing and wonderful thing, but for most women, after menopause, and the estrogen dries up, sex becomes too painful because of the dryness. 10 year sexless marriage. If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. When we first met, we had sex 2X a day morning and night. I agree with Trish, Frustrated Daughter. Married a little over 50 years! I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. But. If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. As far as the guy I liked, nothing ever came of it. Isnt going to happen. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. I only wrote this, to just say it. . Dear Joan, Never unfaithful. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. Yeah. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. But. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners. Not sure what feels worse, not getting any or getting it with her just laying there. Cheating just isnt in me. More than once, our perfunctory mutual masturbation sessions were unsuccessful for me because I couldnt get hard. I love her. 7 years no sex!!! Its bad. It will resotre his body as well and make you hapoier. Surprise her by getting a sitter and taking her to a nice dinner. If Im doing the very best I can and feeling pretty good about things, ITS NEVER ENOUGH. Wife Doesn't Want You To Touch Her? (Understand its Meaning) Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. /* A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. My husband is 46 gringo! She apologies oh well. My wife avoids spending time with me. If this is a real concern for you then ask yourself was there ever any infidelity or cheating on your part? He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. If your wife never initiates sex, its time to bring out your inner charmer and start romancing your wife. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. Hes my best friend, the love of my life, an amazing Dad, my confidant and my everything. That means you could wait forever for your wife to just want sex. Right now Im going on over three months since shes wanted sex. My husband and I both have gained weight. I dont look my age at all! But if neither of those possible remedies to the sexless marriage proves satisfactory, then perhaps the couple should agree to allow the husband to seek sex outside of the marriage. Share This: Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? Womens inherent nesting instinct naturally shifts their focus to family and kids, and this may, in turn, affect the mind space she can allocate to you and sexual desires. about this, nothing will change. I read this article, and it sounds easy to find therapy/solutions. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. My ex was 16 years younger then me. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. Some nice and some angry! Here are some reasons that your wife might never initiate getting intimate with you in the bedroom. Weve been in counseling for a year. LoL. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. "Having small children is a frequent and legitimate excuse for not having sex.". Try DHEA. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. Richard C No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. You have slipped into being neutral around her, rather than being masculine and making her feel girly in your presence Inside, you may feel very masculine or confident, but she's not going to feel any desire to be affectionate if you don't use your masculinity to make her feel feminine (rather than neutral) in comparison to you. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. Without going into details - I am 100% certain that it was satisfying for both of us. But, if we actually *wish* to engage our brains, we do have the brains that God gave us, the brains through with which we can engage in thoughtful interpretation of facts. Here's her full guide to prioritizing sex as parents. This is sad. Learning how to communicate and experience life myself . I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. I am going to be 42 years old!! "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. I really miss a girlfriend I used to have who loved giving me oral sex. Our sex life slowed, separated, and each found partners. Would you like to see more questions and answers? I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. Let them know how their refusal to engage with you sexually has affected you emotionally, physically, mentally and pyschologically. Dont kid yourself, she still understands a mans needs. He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. I have a simple fix for all this. Sometimes, the answer to, My wife rejects me all the time and I dont know why, can be the simple fact that youre not taking care of yourself anymore. What to do about it: Learning to love your own body is a personal journey, so this isn't really something you can fix for her just by giving her compliments (though that can certainly help!). Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. It may not really mean anything bigger at all. It hard to bud out. And perhaps. I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. In the room. Think back to the time when you were dating. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. Sounds like you should try therapy. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. This is how civilizations are built. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. The gender doesnt matter here, but if you have trust issues, its eventually going to lead to resentment. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. It is so sad listening to mostly men talk about their wives not wanting sex. I have given up trying since the rejections and sometimes total indifference is devastating. I hear ya Jose! Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. And please dont tell me counseling. 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. messages where she was being flirtatious to a local musician . Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. Being refused is an essential part of the life of a person who is proactive in getting his or her wants met. Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. Though she died quickly sex was never discussed and I can assure you my marriage was a bed of rock. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. He doesnt even like to kiss. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. Pretty graphic stuff. Cheers Rl. Its no secret that sex after marriage tends to become monotonous, especially if neither partner makes an effort to keep the fire of passion burning. Best to all. After reading this feed, thanks for sharing stories but I know where dirty old man comes from, darn wives holding out! Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to In most cases, Ive seen that when one partner is depressed, after a period of time, the other starts to feel depressed as well. Wife doesn't want me to touch her breasts | Talk About Marriage I always talk to her and ask what turns her on. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. You're correct about that. Divorce? This was an enlightening comment and reflects what has been my marriage for 35 years. Its time to change your strategy. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. Men you just need to treat her like you used to treat her before you married her every day and she will keep treating you like she did before you married her. That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. Sex was great and plentiful in beginning (weve been together 32yrs), but he has lost all interest and I havent had sex in years. She believes relationships should be easyand that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be.